


aching hearts

by Anonymous



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fíli and Kíli Live, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sort Of, Thorin Dies, fix-it AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: They have always been a unit.





	aching hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ingi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/gifts).



> For [ When-Legends-Come-True](https://when-legends-come-true.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr :)

“A year.”

It’s Kili, who fights their corner, when it really matters for the first time. 

“Laddie, that’s… an awful long time without a king under the mountain. It will leave a power vacuum.” Balin, as always, is the voice of reason, but Kili will have none of it. 

“We have lost _our uncle_. Our kin. The closest thing to a father –“ his voice breaks and Fili watches his fists turn white, feels like he should reach out and wrap his own fingers around them, but he doesn’t.

Kili’s eyes are red-rimmed and swollen. Because Kili has cried. For Thorin, for themselves, for the injuries he found on Fili’s body, for all the dead dwarves, men and even the elves, and finally, for their freedom and the carefree life they have loved so much cut short. 

But now he’s done. Now he’s rebelling. 

“We need this year to come to terms,” he says, deceptively calm, but anyone who has ever known their mother would instantly know not to push him. “We need it to heal and to find ways to make it work for us.”

“Kili, there will be dwarves to support you. The Company. Dain. And once Fili is crowned king, there will be a whole Council –“

“So _support me_ now! Support _him_! Fili needs a year. _I_ need a year. A time for us to mourn, to recover, to be ourselves and to find a way to _stay_ ourselves once Fili has ascended the throne. We just aren’t ready.”

“Laddie, it’s normal to doubt yourself. Thorin would have doubted himself too –“

“Fili isn’t Thorin! Erebor was _Thorin’s_ dream, his beloved home, but for us it never was; for us it was a fairy tale. Most days I wake up in the morning and think that we don’t belong here, under all this stone, drowning in all this gold. _We_ belong in the meadows and forests and quiet little towns. Sometimes the urge to just grab my brother and go is overwhelming. He doesn’t smile any more, Balin, did you know he doesn’t smile?” 

Balin’s gaze flicks to Fili, but he doesn’t have a response. 

“Your options,” Kili is speaking quietly once more, that scalding temper of his tucked away neatly in his corners, but poised to strike again if he’s denied, “are to either let us do it our way, or let us go and lose us forever. I realise this goes against our uncle’s wishes and the choices he’d make, but if we are to choose between our heritage and our souls, we will always pick us.”

 _Now_ Fili locks his gaze with their old tutor and steps forward to stand next to his brother and take his hand in mute support. For the first time since the battle he feels strong, and it may be Kili’s strength that he’s borrowing and only a silent statement he’s able to make, but it feels important nevertheless.

“A year,” Kili repeats. “And then, on the next Durin’s Day, you may crown Fili as your King.”

Just Fili, no mention of Kili’s own coronation. Because Kili is a spare and he doesn’t expect anything beyond perhaps a small ceremony where he’s named a Prince of Erebor and the Heir.

It’s a whole other battle, one for Fili to fight. But not now; not when he’s so tired already.

“And who would you have rule under the mountain in that time?” Balin asks tiredly and it feels like half a battle won. 

“You.” 

It’s an impulse decision, that much is crystal clear to Fili, but then again, most of Kili’s best decisions are impulse ones. Thorin would have a heart attack at how easily they give away their birth right. 

But Thorin is dead.

“Me?!” Balin takes a step back, visibly paling. Fili watches him with interest, curious in a weird, detached way. 

“Balin, you were Thorin’s closest advisor and friend. I know no one better,” Kili tells him simply. “Swear your allegiance to us and become our regent. Supervise the restoration efforts until we can take over. Ask for anything you want in return.”

“And how would you know that I won’t just usurp your throne for myself?!”

Kili tilts his head and simply looks the older dwarf in the eye. “You won’t.” 

Nobody, not even Kili himself, knows how he can read the hearts of others with such ease. But he does, and those who choose to ignore his advice when he’s like this, do so at their own peril. 

“And you support this mad plan, Fili?” 

In the centre of attention once more, it takes him a moment to square his shoulders and remain at his brother’s side. He searches those dark amber eyes for a moment, reads a thousand emotions there, but the two that shine the strongest are determination and love. 

He nods slowly.

Fili hasn’t said a word since Thorin died, hasn’t cried a single tear either. 

He can’t. He has no explanation. Instead he just… _is_ , going through the motions of life and watching his world fall apart all around him.

Except for Kili. Kili is constant. Bright, steady, yet violent like the sun, he patiently lets Fili gravitate around him and slowly find his orbit. 

There are a thousand reasons why he should disagree, and a thousand more things he should do. 

But instead he trusts in Kili, like he always has, even when others overlooked his strong qualities. He trusts in his simple ‘you won’t’ and that he knows what’s best for Fili right now, more than Fili knows himself. 

They have always been a unit and perhaps just now, Kili is its beating heart.

 

___________

 

Fili spends the first days and weeks sleeping as much as possible.

Kili doesn’t push him.

Instead he just climbs into the bed together with him, like when they were children, curls up and drifts off as well. 

So Fili holds on: tight and close and familiar, and feels incredibly grateful that at least he has _this_.

 

___________

 

It all comes out close to three months later. 

There is no particular stimulus, no brilliant breakthrough. One day Fili just sits in front of his brother, opens his mouth and starts talking. Some of his thoughts, what he fears, what hurts him, what it feels like to be trapped inside his skull. 

He talks and talks and talks. It takes nine hours before all his words are said and his soul knows blissful silence once more. 

Kili simply listens. It’s the longest Fili has ever seen him sit still in one place. 

It’s the most patient Kili has ever been with him. 

“I love you, Fili. I’ve always loved you.” Kili says finally, simply. “I won’t let you fall.”

When the first tears fall, they are like boulders which sat heavy and unyielding on top of his soul. 

When he pulls Kili into his arms and is held, wrapped and protected in turn, it’s like a safe harbour after he's been adrift on rough seas.

 

___________

 

Their first kisses are bitter-sweet still, but Fili buries his fingers in the mess of dark hair and bravely takes what he needs. 

_A year,_ he thinks. _A year to have this love._

“You have my heart. You have it all.”

Kili smiles and looks almost bashful when he takes his hand, so he can kiss his knuckles one by one. 

“Thank you,” his brother whispers, and Fili’s heart hammers in his chest deafening and out of control, like the hearts of those who are truly alive.

 

___________

 

“Would you die for me?” Kili asks him one day.

“Of course.”

“And would you _live_ for me?”

Fili offers him a small smile. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

 

___________

 

When the first caravans arrive over nine months later, they are simply too curious to stay away. 

They help bring them in and unload the goods, and eagerly lead the new residents towards their ancestral family halls. 

People bow and try to curtsy, but they are quickly told to stop; they are simply Fili and Kili and they’ve made a promise to each other that it will never change. 

 

___________

 

“A year.”

It’s Fili, who fights their corner, when it really matters for the second time. 

They have put a crown on Fili’s head, but it was Kili who clipped it in place with clever fingers to keep it from slipping, just as soon as they were out of sight. 

“Your majesty, that’s… not a lot of time for dwarves to get used to this idea of a brother who is also a consort,” Balin considers, but they have worked on him, so Fili’s job is a bit easier. 

“You forget that they watched us grow up. Honestly, who else was I going to marry? Besides, Kili was always going to be my heir anyway.”

“Aye, but you are blood, now taken to bed. And that is more unusual.”

“But not forbidden.”

“Not for the king, no.”

“Well then. We wish to be married on the next Durin’s Day and have Kili crowned as my Consort the day after.”

Balin throws them a considering look and doesn’t bring up the courting period, getting the Council’s permission, succession arrangements and a thousand other things. He has learned.

“Kili?” he asks instead. 

Kili nods slowly. “The people will understand.”

He’s quiet now, and a bit overwhelmed, but he trusts Fili to know what’s best for them. 

They have always been a unit and just now, Fili is its beating heart.


End file.
